1: You smell and they don’t like you
Deodorise, shower, buy a perfume! If this doesn’t help, then leave it alone as it isn’t meant to be. True friends are rare so it’s okay, just move on.
1b: You smell nice but they don’t like you.
Some people just aren’t meant to get along. I used to not accept this. I went to a really small primary school and our grade only had 60 or so kids and there wasn’t ever any drama. The odd fight about people pushing into the handball line or whatever. Then I went to high school and the classes went from 2 to 6. What do you mean there are ‘groups’? Are these ‘clubs’? Do I sign up?
I was a drifter for grade 8, speaking to various people from different groups. Everyone be my friend!
As you grow older you tend to realise that sometimes we just have to get along with people even if we don’t like them. At work, on public transport. If it becomes a super issue like you’re getting bullied at work or someone feels you up on the train, probably speak up. Use your words! If the issue is just Marika chewing cashews really loudly day in and day out then maybe let it go. Or make a snide comment because we are humans and we can’t help ourselves. Unless you are a saint. Which I am not. “Pipe down Marika!”
2: They have their own shit going on.
This is usually the main reason why. Should be number one, however that would be too predictable, right?
People tend to think about themselves 98% of the time and you might fit into the 2% some days if you’re lucky. Or if someone has a crush on you, bump it up to 9%. Basically, even if you are important, they’re not thinking about you that often and that is completely natural! We are all human and we spend 100% of our time with ourselves, in our heads with 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day! This figure is a just from an article I read once however it sounds super legit.
If you find yourself taking your issues out on someone else, make sure you apologise and admit that you’ve been a total dick and then remind your human friend that you’re a human too. They will most likely respect and accept the apology (if they’re a grudge holder, it may take longer. I hear Taurus energy is quite stubborn also…) then cheers a beverage and chat it out. Maybe hug it out. Depending on your relationship, maybe have make-up sex. However, that’s a whole other kettle of sperm to deal with another day.
3: Maybe you are too clingy and ask to hang out too much
My friends and I work because I don’t live in their pockets however that purely comes down to my personality. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of person who loved being around people ALL the time and up for a party ALL the time. The reality is, I love my alone time. I give a lot of my energy when I am with others, therefore time by myself is literally a necessity for me to recharge.
It comes down to individuality and being honest with who you are. If someone wants to hang out ALL the time and you don’t, just be real.
-“Hey Alex, what are you doing tonight?”
-“Nothing. Chilling out.”
-“Cool, want to do something?”
-“Not tonight. I am just going to have a quiet one but how about we catch up next week?”
Ask yourself if you’d be mad about that? You shouldn’t be. If you are, ask yourself why? If you can’t be alone, I really encourage you to try it sometime. Even if in small doses to start. I am not saying be a recluse, I am just suggesting that alone time is healthy for the mind and soul.
Some things I like to do when I am alone:
- Cook something wholesome
- Make something
- Watch trash (Netflix/Love Island, you know) in comfy clothes with a yummy treat
- Paint your nails (you can do it too guys, I don’t care)
- Give yourself a mini facial and put on a face mask that might scare your pet if they looked at you
- Plan your next day
- Journal dreams/goals
- Write an article about a recent event in your life (hey, what a great idea! I might do that…oh I am doing that)
- Write a letter to a friend and send it to their home address. Snail mail? Blasphemy!
- Go through your clothes and cull anything you haven’t worn in over 4 months. Bag it and donate it to a charity or maybe you can sell some of it and make some dosh.
These are just a few ideas and this little article is to remind everyone to not be so sensitive. I needed this reminder too as recently I have had a lot more time to think and the brain went a little into overdrive.
Writing stuff down is great. If you made it this far, hope you enjoyed my word vomit and let me know if there is any feedback you have or if you have experienced something similar. Would love to hear from you.
With light and love,
Alex Drew. X
Photo credit: My beautiful Swedish friend, Hanna Bergman, has the most beautiful instagram, please check it out here